This was me today ... crying like a baby! It's embarrassing to admit, but it's true. My two kids and I were all on the kitchen floor crying uncontrollably, but only 2 of us were babies and I wasn't truly one of them. LOL
It's been a tough few days. Zach was sick with hand foot and mouth virus and immediately after that clearing up he got some other virus that gave him a fever, cough and green snotty nose. Yuck! He's been waking up several times at night and I'm not used to that because my boys have always been really good sleepers. I've had the luxury of sleeping through the night since both of them were pretty young and I don't do well without that. My patience level is pretty low and being a mom is a challenge to that for sure. I don't always do well with it.
Well, now Andrew has caught Zach's sickness and he's waking up at night. Zach seems to be over his, but has gotten used to Mommy soothing him at night that he's still continuing to wake up and want to "play." In addition, to throwing pretty gnarly tantrums which is unlike him. Ugh ... just can't catch a break these last couple weeks.
I've had to cancel 3 separate appointments (that I was looking forward to), miss birthday parties, miss out on kid free time and stay home (which I loathe). As I write this I feel a little bit of a whiner ... It comes with the territory, right? They do and I get that, but am I not allowed to be annoyed by it! I'm not blaming my kids for it and I know it's not their fault, it's LIFE ... but it sucks at the same time! It's my party and I'll cry if I want to!
Everything just came to a head at lunch this afternoon. I hadn't gotten much sleep last night because Zach didn't truly go down until almost 4am. My husband and I got in a fight because he doesn't understand how to deal with me when these situations a rise, Zach and Andrew were both crying and whining at me and I just lost it! First I yelled at my kids and then I felt bad and guilty and that made me step outside and scream at the top of my lungs (probably scaring my neighbors) and then uncontrollably crying while curled up on the floor. Pathetic!
That's how I feel, but it's amazing how hard it is to be strong in moments like that. I am embarrassed that I broke down like that in front of my kids. It makes me feel like I can't cut it as a mom sometimes ... because this is just probably a small portion of the difficult times our family is going to have. I need to figure out a better way to deal with my frustration because I know this is just the beginning.
Feeling like a mommy failure today and just needed to let it out!
