"Flipping my lid"

My kids are in a Co-op Preschool, called Crystal Springs Cooperative in Bothell. Andrew (2 yo) has been going there for two years now and Zach (1 yo) just started this year. They are in the same class for one day a week. We really enjoy it, it's something for us to get out and do on a weekly basis and it's learning and play for the kids as well as for me.

One of the perks of the school is our Parent Education Nights. They are once a month and usually about an hour or so of a speaker and so far I've been so impressed with the speakers. It's always been really educational and valuable topics for parents in my opinion and the speakers are always engaging and fun... the time just flies by!

The latest one on Thursday was a gal by the name of Sahara Pirie who is a Certified Positive Discipline Lead Trainer and does classes at the YMCA in Shoreline. 

One thing she discussed in her class was when we as parents "flip our lid". You can express this in a hand gesture. Close your fist with your thumb closed on the outside of your fingers. This represents the brain and all it's areas of function. When you "flip your lid" your finger pop out of that closed fist position so you are now making the letter "b" in sign language. That prefrontal cortex that is the regulation of body through autonomic nervous system, emotion regulation, regulation of interpersonal relationships, response flexibility, intuition, mind-sight - social cognition, self awareness - autonoesis, letting go of fears, morality.... is quite literally flipped and not able to function. IT'S TRUE!



So, as a parent when are kids are driving us nuts (or our husbands for that matter) whining and crying, asking over and over again to have something or do something, having a trantrum, fighting with their brother etc. etc. etc. And we've had ENOUGH! Our lids flip and we usually say something like..., "I can give you something to cry about." or "Go to your room until you can stop whining." or "I'm tired of hearing you scream and cry, I don't want to hear another peep out of you." Or maybe we go as far as swearing at them and it usually comes with a screaming/yelling/raised voice from us. This is flipping your lid and you cannot function rationally when your brain is in this state, you cannot resolve issues or be rational about things when this occurs.



It resonated so well with me because I've done it many times, probably once a day, some weeks better than others. I'm not proud of it, but kids have a way of pushing our buttons and my patience levels are not near what they should be. Patience is a virtue, that's for sure! So what should we do when our lids have boiled off the pot and we've made a mistake and screamed nasty things at our children?

• Regather: Make sure both of your have calmed down. Even if it means waiting.
• Recognize: "Whoops, I made a mistake"
• Responsibility: Acknowledge your part in the mistake.
• Reconcile/Resolve: (Re-Solve): "I'm sorry." "How can we work on this together to make it better?" (or some variation thereof)

I say sorry to my kids all the time and take responsibility for my mistakes. Its tough, but I feel like it's only appropriate. Some may see apologies as a sign of weakness, but I think it takes a lot of courage to admit you're wrong and even more courage to say it! My kids will know I'm not perfect and they will find comfort in the fact that they can make mistakes too and recover from them as a better person. Now only if I could work better on not "flipping my lid" in the first place I'd really be getting somewhere. :-)

I would definitely recommend checking her out, she was a great speaker with a lot of valuable information. Her next session (7 weeks, 1 x per week) of classes begins in January and is called Parenting With Positive Discipline and more information can be found HERE!

You can also purchase the book(s) here on Amazon.